I went to the new doctor today and he is amazing. I have really high hopes for him. He never once made me think we are chasing an impossible dream. I loved the confidence he has in us having our miracle. I also loved that he included my husband in everything. He didn't just want to talk to me. He made sure Dave was in the room and understood and was involved in our discussion. He wants me to self monitor this month and then around the 20th of March we will be resuming our treatments.

This is, however, an expensive endeavor and unfortunately we have had to resort to trying to raise money. We have set up an online donation on facebook (through paypal) and any money contributed would be more than appreciated.

The doctor would like to try a few more rounds of Femara and IUI before moving on to more expensive and invasive steps. He feels that since I have gotten my body under even some control that now is the time to try this again. I am really hoping he is right.

We have also recently decided that we are buying a treadmill this week so I can workout every night instead of sporadically like I have been. This is not only about losing weight but also about getting my body ready for pregnancy. I need to lose about 30 more pounds until I will really feel comfortable with myself again And that will bring my bmi down a considerable amount, enough to help ensure that my pregnancy will be less of a risk. This will also help regulate my hormones and maybe eventually cut out the need for a lot of my pills.

If you're interested in donating here is the link. HELP US HAVE OUR MIRACLE BABY!

Really not having a good day today. I went to this new doctor who was supposed to be able to help me and basically I got told I was "beyond their help". They are referring me to another doctor now so I have no idea what to expect. I am just getting really tired of being bounced around so much. I'm currently on my fourth referral and still have no answers. Not only where they unable to help me but they also gave me crappy news.

When I went in the doctor decided I needed an ultrasound to check and see what is going on with my body now. Unfortunately thanks to my old doctor (the one that kept me on Clomid for so long) I now have more cysts than ever. They are really worried about this which of course has me in panic mode. After the ultrasound they gave me a shot in the hip of progesterone to help get my period started and they want to see how it affects me. I swear I'm becoming a human lab rat.

 I feel so bad for my husband. I barely made it out of the office before I burst into tears. I just can't understand why all of this keeps happening to me. I wish for once things would just go right.

It looks like the next step might be to try to do laparoscopic surgery. They are worried about doing it though because of the chance of scarring. If I scar too much then basically I can kiss all my chances goodbye.

I am hoping this new doctor is a miracle worker. Hopefully I can get in and see him soon and he can give me the answers I desperately need.

For years I have been struggling with a disease know as Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). Finally I feel like it is time to open up and share with people my struggle. This condition affects five to ten percent of all women and sadly only one in ten of those women even know they have it. Hopefully I can help spread the message and more of these women can get help before it's too late. For more information on PCOS please feel free to ask me or visit pcosfoundation.org or soulcysters.com. And please if you know someone who may have it or if you think you may have it do not hesitate to ask your doctor. Getting treatment started early can save your life. 

My story: I was diagnosed with PCOS when  was 19 (I am currently 23, turning 24 in April). My husband and I had been trying. unsuccessfully, to conceive for a year and finally decided to seek medical help. After talking to my doctor she did a few tests and eventually an ultrasound to confirm. I found out I am basically the "text book case". If I would have had a doctor who thought to test earlier I could have saved myself years of problems and most likely prevented a few of my health issues. Currently my symptoms are; irregular periods, obesity (mainly holding the weight in my stomach), excessive body hair growth, high androgen levels (male hormone), male-pattern hair loss, insulin resistance, high cholesterol, infertility and of course the cysts. I have been trying to manage them as best I can but it's hard. Metformin has become my best friend. I swore it was trying to kill me when I first started it but now I know I can't live without it. Thanks to it and perseverance I lost over 70lbs. I still have a ways to go but losing that much has changed my life so much.

I think for a while I was letting PCOS control me when I should have been the one in control. When I was first diagnosed I felt like it was a death sentence and I pretty much gave up hope. Then I did the worst thing I could and tried to ignore it. Once I finally came around, in large part thanks to my fellow cysters, I realized I could beat this. I am not a quitter, I don't back down, I never have. So why was I letting something push me around and take over my life. With the support of my husband I got on meds and started taking my life back. During the weight loss I started trying conceive again. First we went to an acupuncturist (which I would recommend to anyone, even if its just for pure relaxation). She was an amazing woman who did everything she could to help me but unfortunately my insurance wouldn't cover it and at $100 a visit it became too expensive. After I finished losing the weight we went back to the Dr where I was put on clomid . Ordinarily you are only supposed to take it for no more than six cycles but unfortunately I had a very uncaring doctor who kept me on it for a whole year. I did conceive once but that little one went on to be our guardian angel at 11 weeks. After a year of clomid and the loss of our angel we took another break. Finally after about six months we went to a new doctor. She was an endocrinologist and happened to specialize in PCOS and infertility. Her first suggestion was another round of tests which gave me hope. The results showed that thankfully(?) the only reason we weren't conceiving was the PCOS.  I am lucky enough to to be one of the cysters with endometriosis  or other female conditions. After that was established I began a regiment of femara (Clomids twin sister). We also had our first IUI. The procedure was very expensive and at that time we had just lost our insurance, which forced us to only do one attempt. It turned out to be successful but this too ended in a loss. 

I began to feel defeated again. It seemed no matter how hard I tried I just kept getting knocked down. All I wanted was to curl up in a ball and cry. Which I did more than once. I knew that my husband was being as supportive as he could but in a way the more supportive he was the worse I felt. I felt like I was letting him down. I know how badly he wants children and it feels like I will never be able to give him that. I felt like he could do better. I even told him he was allowed to leave and go have children with someone else. I wouldn't have held it against him if he would have left. He deserves so much more in life than what I can give him but for some crazy reason he's stayed and he's fought along with me. 

Recently I was able to start menstruating on my own which was incredibly exciting for me. After a couple of months of doing it on my own I was able to conceive yet again. Unfortunately on November 15 2011 we lost this one too. Not even two weeks later I again conceived but after 9 short weeks this one was lost. I am so ready to give up yet at the same time I'm not. I know what I want in life and I will not stop trying to get it.  We have considered adoption but for now that is something that is just a dream. Due to monetary issues and our ages we are having a hard time finding adoption help. We are diligently saving in hopes of one day being able to save and unwanted child and shower them with love but we know that is still a while off. 

 In the mean time we have decided we are still going to try. We can't give up. So on 02/13/2012 I will be going back to the doctor to see what the next step is. We are hoping that this year is our year and we will finally have our little miracle. So everyone please send baby dust our way as we embark on the next leg of our journey.